I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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