There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize