id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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