Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
