oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
