whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
