you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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