I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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