he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
