Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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