i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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