My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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