HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
