You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When did angry sex become our thing?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
