he thought i was a dude.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize