If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
