What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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