no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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