We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
