it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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