cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
