I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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