I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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