Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
