So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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