I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
