Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
someone owes me an orgasm
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
