I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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