hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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