found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
