Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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