best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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