Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
