Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
