I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
