He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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