CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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