We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize