if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
