Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
pray to the hookup gods
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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