He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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