I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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