so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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