When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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