I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
