So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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