someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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