I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
