Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
