Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
