I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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