How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dick very happy bro
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
