Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My penis needs a shock collar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
