Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
