I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
