I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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