You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
