Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize