i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
