why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
