just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
