He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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