I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
