sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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