Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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