HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
