I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
