so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
