Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The adults are the big ones right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize