I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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