My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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