I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
