Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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