I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Found the puke drawer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
