i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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