im six kinds of drunk right now
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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