I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
