i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The best revenge is premature balding
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
